FIC: Ten Episodes in the Life of Kevin Donnelly

[gonerunningaway]

Title: Ten Episodes in the Life of Kevin Donnelly
Author: subluxate
Fandom: The Black Donnellys
Characters/Pairings: Ensemble; Kevin Donnelly/OMC; Kevin Donnelly/Jenny Reilly
Disclaimer: The Black Donnellys belongs to many wonderful people, none of whom are me. No disrespect to the canon is intended.
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 10,250
Warnings (highlight to view): Canonical violence.
Author's Notes: Written for smallfandombang's first round. Thanks to sarcasticsra and geena for their, as always, wonderful beta jobs. This can also be found on AO3 here.
Summary: There are many parts of growing up, and all tie back to who you really are. Kevin Donnelly has ten episodes that stand out the most.

I highly recommend listening to geena's fantastic mix, Ten Lives, while reading.


I

Mama was big. Her belly was big. She said she was having a baby soon, but Kevin didn’t believe it. He was the baby. She couldn’t be having a new baby.

“Jimmy,” he asked his biggest brother, “how come Mama’s so big?”

“Come on, Kevin.” Jimmy tousled his hair. “You know why. Ma told you she’s having a baby.”

“I’m the baby.”

“Yeah, and Tommy was the baby before you, and it changes sometimes. You gotta get used to it, Kevin. You’re not gonna be the baby no more. Ask Tommy, you don’t believe me.”

Kevin frowned at Jimmy. “Tommy’s gonna tell me you’re a liar.”

Jimmy kind of rolled his eyes and called, “Hey Tommy!”

Tommy came out of their room. He was the same age as Jimmy right now, but Jimmy said not for very long, he’d be oldest again soon, and that was why Kevin asked him first. “What?”

“Kevin doesn’t believe he won’t be the baby pretty soon.”

“Ma’s having a baby,” Tommy told him, and with both his big brothers telling him that, Kevin started to cry. He was supposed to stay the baby. He was always the baby. He was the baby for three years. He didn’t want another baby. He got loud fast, and Daddy came into the room.

“What’d you do to him?” Daddy demanded.

“Nothing!” Tommy and Jimmy both said.

“We told him Ma’s having a baby,” Jimmy said. “He wants to still be the baby.”

Daddy sighed and crouched down, pulling Kevin to him. “Hey, lucky charm, shh. She’s having a baby, but you’ll be my lucky charm even after. There’s room for us to love both of you, got it, Kevin?”

Kevin sniffled, rubbing at his eyes. “How come there’s gonna be a baby?”

“Because we want to have one. You’ll like the baby after your ma has it, I promise. Especially when it gets bigger. Your brothers like you now.” Daddy looked at Jimmy and Tommy. “Right?”

“Yeah,” Tommy said, “I like Kevin.”

Jimmy shrugged. “I like Tommy.”

“Jimmy.”

“And Kevin,” he said.

“Kevin, promise me you’ll try to like the baby?”

Kevin sniffled again. “Promise.”

Five days later, Mama left for a really long time. Uncle Huey’s wife Kate came over and stayed with them while Daddy was gone, too, but he came back later. Kevin thought he looked really, really tired, but also really happy.

He brought all of them into the living room and said, “You guys have a new baby brother. Your ma’s going to be home tomorrow with the baby. His name’s Sean. You’ll love him.”

“Congratulations, Bobby!” Kate said, smiling.

Daddy brought Mama and the new baby home two days later. Mama looked really, really tired, even more than Daddy did when he came home, but she was cradling the baby while she sat on the couch like he was really special, and Kevin guessed he’d try if Mama loved Sean so much.

“Come meet your brother,” she said to them. “Come meet Sean.”

Kevin climbed on the couch beside her and peered at the baby. He had blond hair, but only a little bit, kind of bald like an old man, and his face was all squished-looking. He made a face. “He looks funny.”

Daddy laughed, and Mama used the arm that she wasn’t holding Sean with to hug Kevin to her. “He’s a newborn. You all looked funny when you were born.”

“Nuh-uh.” Kevin snuggled into her side.

“Oh yeah. We have pictures. Want to see?”

Right away, Kevin shook his head, and everyone laughed at him. He huffed and said, “I wanna still be the baby.”

“I still love you like you’re the baby,” Mama promised him, “and Sean’s going to be a lot better-looking in a couple of weeks.”

“Where’s he gonna sleep?” Jimmy asked.

“Our room,” Daddy told him, “so you don’t have to worry yet.”

Hesitantly, Kevin reached out and touched Sean’s cheek. “Gentle,” Mama told him, but he was already doing it. He was soft, softer than any other skin, even Mama’s face.

“I like him,” Kevin pronounced. “He’s soft.”

“Weird reason to like him,” Tommy said.

“It’s a good enough reason,” Mama said firmly, and let go of Kevin to stand up. “We’re taking a nap.”

Kevin scrambled off the couch to follow her. “Where’s he sleeping?” he asked.

“There’s a bassinet.” They got to Mama and Daddy’s room, and she pointed to it. “Right there. He’ll get a crib soon. It’s yours, Kevin.”

Kevin considered that, then nodded. “I’m gonna get him something.” He dashed out of his parents’ room and into the room he shared with his big brothers to reach onto his bed for one of his teddies. Jimmy made fun of him for having two, but now Kevin was only gonna have one. He was keeping his favorite.

When he got back to his parents’ room, Mama had already put Sean in the bassinet, and Kevin settled the teddy with him. “There,” he said. “Now he’ll sleep better.”

“Kevin, you’re gonna be a good big brother,” Mama said, and gave him a hug. “But move it down by his feet. If it falls on his face, he can’t move it. He’s too little.”

“Fuzzy’s not it. He’s he,” he informed his mother, and crouched down to move Fuzzy past Sean’s feet. “There.” He gave Sean a very careful kiss on the forehead because Mama said to be gentle. “I love you, Seanie,” he told the baby, and then stood up again. “Mama, I’m a good brother, right?”

“You are a great brother,” she said, and gave him his own kiss on the forehead. “That was nice of you.”

“I kept Cuddles. He’s my favorite.”

“It was still nice, Kevin. Now I need to take a nap before Sean gets hungry. Go play.”

“Okay.” He gave the baby one last look, because he was pretty sure he did love him, even if he wasn’t the baby anymore, and left the room.

---

 
II

Kevin watched as he shot marbles with Joey, a kid his age who was always hanging around them. They both had gloves since it was freezing, but inside was too boring. His brothers were talking about something, and it looked like something fun with the way they were grinning. When Jenny came over, they included her right away, and she laughed at something Tommy said, shaking her head.

Tommy loved Jenny. Kevin knew that as much as he knew breathing. Everyone knew that. But Kevin also knew, bone-deep, that Jimmy loved Jenny, and no one except Jimmy knew that, as far as Kevin could tell. So he didn’t say anything, not even to Jimmy, because the best Jimmy would do was give him a noogie and tell him to shut up, and the worst was hit him and tell him to shut up, and neither sounded fun.

Then he heard Jimmy say, “Nah, he’s just a kid. He’d tell Ma.”

Jenny, though, who was nice and mostly included Kevin in what the bigger kids did, said, “Let him come. He won’t say anything.”

Tommy shrugged when they both looked at him. He broke ties a lot, between Jimmy and Jenny and between Jimmy and Kevin, and even between Kevin and Joey. “Hey, Kevin,” he called.

“Yeah?”

“Come here a second.”

Kevin scrambled up and joined his brothers and heard Joey a step behind. “Not you,” Jimmy snapped.

“Come on,” Joey whined, so Jimmy shoved him back.

“You keep playing. Kevin’ll be back soon.”

“Don’t steal my marbles,” Kevin said automatically. “What?” he asked Tommy.

Tommy lowered his voice. “If we let you do something with us, you swear you won’t tell Dad?” he asked.

“I swear!” Kevin said eagerly. The things where he had to swear not to tell were always the best.

“Or Ma,” Tommy added, and Kevin grinned.

“Swear it.”

Tommy grinned back, and Jenny said to Jimmy, “I told you he wouldn’t.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jimmy said.

“There’s a car a couple blocks over. We’re going for a joyride.” Tommy could hotwire anything, and he could drive it all, too. Joyrides didn’t last very long, but they were way better than other car rides. They weren’t supposed to have it, and that made it thrilling, like the rides that came around every summer must be. Kevin would be tall enough that year to be allowed to find that out.

“Awesome,” he whispered so Joey wouldn’t hear.

“Come on, let’s go.”

Kevin followed behind his brothers and Jenny, kicking snow every so often and thinking. Tommy hadn’t said what kind of car, so Kevin imagined something big, a pickup or van. He bet Tommy could even drive a semi if he wanted to, but he probably wouldn’t take one of those. He’d get in way too much trouble if he got caught.

It looked like their car when they got there, a different color, but then he looked closer. “A Mercedes?” he hissed.

“Shh,” Jenny told him.

“I still want to know what a Mercedes is doing here,” Jimmy muttered.

Tommy glanced around and then, just like he owned it, opened the door and slid in. Whoever owned it must be pretty dumb. The rest of them got in, Jenny pushing Jimmy out of the way so she could take the front and Kevin in back, like always, where Jimmy joined him after a minute. Tommy had it going before Jimmy was even in, and then they took off.

They didn’t go very long. Tommy drove smooth as any grownup ever could, even though Kevin knew the only way he’d learned was by watching Dad drive. That didn’t stop him from turning perfectly, avoiding the potholes, everything. They stopped in an alley by a bodega, and Tommy and Jimmy waited while Jenny and Kevin went in. Kevin did his best to be cute, even though really Sean was best at that now, while Jenny pocketed snacks and then they strolled out together when she told him, “We can’t get anything today.” She smiled at the cashier and added, “Sorry.”

Kevin waited until they were most of the way to the car to ask, “What’d you get?”

She pulled a stick of jerky wrapped in plastic out of her coat and handed it to him. “Here.”

“Cool! Thanks, Jenny!”

“You’re welcome.”

In the car, she emptied the rest of the loot, handing Tommy and Jimmy their shares. They sat in the car, the engine and heater running, the older kids talking while Kevin mostly listened. When it got quiet for a minute, he asked, “Can we have a snowball fight later?”

Tommy laughed, but it was Jimmy who messed up his hair and said, “Sure, Kevin.”

“Hey, where’s your hat?” Jenny asked him.

He shrugged. “Left it upstairs.”

Tommy hissed a curse. “Ma’s gonna bring it down for you. Dammit, Kevin!” He threw the car into gear and pulled out of the alley, heading back to where they’d gotten it. He parked it perfectly, and then they ditched it, walking like they did nothing wrong. Tommy shoved his own hat on Kevin’s head, muttering, “Now she won’t be so mad.”

“Will she be mad?” he asked Jimmy, who shrugged.

“Who knows? Sometimes she is, sometimes she isn’t.”

In Kevin’s opinion, that sucked as an answer, but Jimmy would probably shove him in a snowbank if he said so, so he kept his mouth shut. He might be younger, but that didn’t make him stupid.

Ma was outside the building, looking pretty annoyed but not mad, when they got back. “Kevin, forgetting your hat,” she scolded.

“I gave him mine, Ma,” Tommy spoke up.

“And then you froze your ears.”

Tommy took his hat back from Kevin, who took his own from Ma and pulled it on. “Thanks.”

“Keep an eye on him,” she told his brothers.

Kevin never knew exactly why, but that was the last joyride Tommy took them on. Maybe because Jimmy’s leg got run over that summer.

---

 
III

“Dad, where’re you going?” Kevin asked. His dad had a thin newspaper folded in one hand, keys in the other.

Dad stopped and turned to him, smiling. “Want to come with me?”

“Where?” he repeated.

“The track.” He held a finger to his lips. “Don’t tell your mom,” he whispered, “unless we bring back money.”

Kevin grinned. “Okay!”

In the car, his dad said, “So what we’re going to do is pick the horse that we think is going to win the race. There are odds. One-to-one means you don’t get anything extra, just the same money, if your horse wins. Two-to-one means you get twice your money back if your horse wins. One-to-two means you’re stupid because you only get half your money back. You see?”

“So we want one that’s going to give us money, but it’s going to win,” Kevin said, nodding. “How do we figure it out?”

“That’s where it gets complicated. It depends on what kind of track it is and the condition of the track that day. Some horses do better on dirt than grass, some on mud than dry, and we have to figure that out. There’s also an all-weather track that’s fake, and some horses seem to love it. Some have a burst of speed right at the beginning, and some pull ahead further into a race, so they do better in longer ones. You have to look at all that and figure it out.”

He frowned, processing that, and nodded slowly. “But how do you know?”

Dad laughed. “A lot of practice, and a lot of losing, and a lot of luck.” He reached over and ruffled Kevin’s hair. “I’ll be luckier today with my lucky charm.”

Kevin grinned. “Is all the stuff in the paper?”

“Yeah. Here. You read it while I drive, okay?”

“Okay.” Kevin opened it and frowned as he tried to make sense of things. “This is weird, Dad.”

“Keep looking. You’ll figure it out.”

Kevin’s frown deepened, but he did his best to focus on the columns and all the facts to figure things out. “Will you show me how to read it when we get there?”

“Sure, Kevin. But I bet you can get some of it before we get there.”

Sure enough, by the time they got to the track and found parking, Kevin had worked out what some of the shorthand meant. Not enough, though, because after his dad made a bet, giving Kevin two choices for him to narrow, they got to the stands, and his dad took the newspaper back to explain things to him. That all clicked, and he pored over the paper, helping his dad figure out what to bet on. It was a lot of climbing, up and down the stairs, to keep placing bets, but at the end of the day, they came away with more than they bet, and his dad told Kevin, “See? That almost never happens for me. It’s why your mom doesn’t like me betting. Told you you’re lucky.”

Kevin grinned. “Hey, Dad? If I’m lucky, will you teach me to play cards?”

His dad laughed. “Oh, Kevin… Yeah, all right. As long as your mom’s still out, we’ll do that when we get home.”

She was out, and she had Sean—Tommy and Jimmy were with friends—so Dad got a deck of cards. “You have to learn to shuffle,” he told Kevin. “Watch my hands.”

“Can’t I just cut the cards together?” Kevin asked. “Like when we play Go Fish?”

“Not when you’re playing poker. Then it looks like you’re cheating. Now, watch my hands.”

Kevin made a face that made his dad laugh, but he watched him cut the deck and shuffle them together. “You do that fast.”

“You’ll get good,” his dad assured him. “Hold up your hands.” Obediently, Kevin did. “They’re big enough,” he decided. “So let’s get you to learn.” He came around the table and set down the deck. “Cut it,” he directs.

Kevin separated the deck in two. “Like that?”

“Exactly.” Dad took his hands, setting them on each half of the deck, fingers on the short ends, thumbs facing each other on the others. “Now. Let the cards go downward toward each other and mix together.”

He tried, like Dad did, and they flew across the table. His dad laughed hard, hands on Kevin’s shoulders, until Kevin had to, too. “Okay now,” Dad said when he finally stopped. “Pick them up, and let’s try again.”

Kevin tried, he really did, but he got as far as picking up all the cards and separating the deck in half before he started laughing again. The memory of the cards spraying out of his hands was too funny. His dad tried not to laugh, but Kevin heard him anyway, and that kept him laughing until he had hiccups. So his dad got him water, and when he’d calmed down, said, “Let’s try again.”

He set his hands on the deck and hiccupped. He was pretty sure he was never going to learn.

“Okay. Now. Let them go down through your thumbs, not as much pressure as last time when they…” He heard a grin in his dad’s voice, and his dad put his hands over his. “When they flew. Like this.”

This time, it wasn’t totally neat, not like when Dad did it, but they didn’t go all over the table and did overlap enough that he could shove them into a pile.

“Much better.” Dad’s voice was warm with approval. “So now you can start learning the rules, now that you know how to shuffle. That’s pretty fundamental to any card game.”

Kevin couldn’t help cracking up again.

“How are you going to ever learn to play poker if you laugh every time you think about shuffling?” Dad asked through Kevin’s laughter.

“I’ll make someone else,” he gasped out. “So I don’t have to pick them all up again.”

Dad shook his head, but he grinned.

---

 

IV

Uncle Huey brought Jimmy home.

That was all Kevin thought at first. Jimmy had left with Dad. Dad should be bringing him home, not Huey. But Uncle Huey brought Jimmy home, and Jimmy wouldn’t say anything, just looked shocked and pissed all at once, and then he took Ma into her room to talk to her, and then Ma screamed.

Tommy spun around on Kevin and looked over at Sean. Kevin followed his gaze; Seanie had gone pale, and Tommy more ordered than said, “Kevin, take Sean in our room.”

“Tommy—”

“Kevin.”

That was the first time Kevin had heard Tommy sound like that. He’d remember that for a long time, the way Tommy sounded like he was totally in charge and made all four of them believe it with just a few words, even though Jimmy was older and should be. So Kevin did. He took Sean into the bedroom and sat with him, silently. He didn’t say anything when Sean dug through the closet and took Fuzzy out to hold tight against his chest while he leaned against the head of the bed with his knees pulled up to his chin and his arms around his legs. Kevin just grabbed a deck of cards and shuffled them, over and over. Dad would be home soon. Dad would be home, and Ma’s scream from whatever Uncle Huey had said would be wrong. Uncle Huey would be wrong. Jimmy would stop being silent and pissed off and shocked.

He got the stop to the silent part, anyway. He could hear Tommy in the living room, and then Jimmy’s voice started to rise, something about not knowing and Italians and beating and—

Kevin found himself across the room, cards forgotten, his hands clamped tight over Sean’s ears. Sean didn’t need to hear what Jimmy was saying, none of it. Sean was still only seven. Kevin was eleven, he could take it, but Sean was the baby.

He didn’t need to hear.

Jimmy was cut off, suddenly, by Uncle Huey’s deeper voice, and then he called, “Kevin, Sean, please come out here.”

Kevin took his hands off Sean’s ears and said to him, quietly, “Uncle Huey wants us to come out there.”

Sean looked up at him and nodded. “Can I take Fuzzy?”

Kevin was about to say Jimmy would make fun of him, and then he remembered what Jimmy said and how that probably wouldn’t happen today. Not with what was wrong. And it was so, so wrong, Jimmy had to be wrong, he just couldn’t be right. “Yeah, Seanie. You can take Fuzzy.”

Sean held the bear, the one that was all worn out from being Kevin’s for so long before he was Sean’s, against his chest with one arm, and Kevin led the way out to the living room, where their older brothers—Tommy thirteen, Jimmy fourteen—and Uncle Huey were. Their brothers sat on the couch, closer together than they’d been in a long time, and Tommy said quietly, “Seanie, c’mere,” waving to the spot beside him. Sean went, and Kevin sat on Jimmy’s other side, the only space left. He saw Tommy wrap his arm tight around Sean. That was enough for Kevin to fist his hands so tight his nails bit into his palms.

“Boys,” Uncle Huey said, “I have some bad news. Some very bad news. Jimmy already knows.” Kevin looked at his brother, but Jimmy’s face was still, and he stared straight ahead, not even at Uncle Huey. “Your dad—your dad’s been killed.” Seanie started to cry, Kevin could hear him. “I already told your mother,” he went on. “The neighborhood will take care of your family’s meals and everything, but if you need anything particular, you call me. You all know my phone number, don’t you?” Kevin nodded, and he saw Jimmy do the same; he thought Tommy probably did, too. “Good. Take care of your mother and each other, especially Sean.”

Sean kept getting louder. Then suddenly he was muffled, and Tommy said, “We will,” in that same voice, the one that sounded like he was in charge. Kevin thought that was weird, how it was Tommy and not Jimmy, Jimmy was oldest, but it also made sense. Tommy had always been more responsible.

“Good. I need to take care of some things, but I already called the church, and they’re spreading the word. Some ladies will be bringing supper over, and the priest is going to be here soon.” Uncle Huey stood up. “I’m sorry,” he said, more gently. “This shouldn’t have happened.”

As soon as he left, Jimmy spat, “The Italians did it.”

“Jimmy, later. Sean’s right here.”

Jimmy jumped up. It didn’t even seem like he noticed his leg, probably for the first time since it got run over. “He’ll find out sometime, Tommy!”

Kevin could see then that Tommy was holding Sean against him with his face pressed into his side. That was why he didn’t sound so loud, but he was still shaking hard, and Kevin could still hear him.

“He’s seven, Jimmy. Not now!”

“Kevin, take him in the room,” Jimmy spat as he ran a hand through his hair.

Kevin, who had never seen Jimmy so angry, obeyed. It frightened him. Their father—that couldn’t be real. Dad couldn’t be… And then Jimmy, so angry, and Ma screaming…

It was true.

It couldn’t be true.

He took Sean in their room and sat beside him, holding his little brother the same way Tommy had and trying to cover his ears.

He couldn’t cover his own. He could hear his mother’s sobs from her room, Jimmy’s ranting and Tommy trying to talk him down, all of it. Everything that meant it was true.

Sean kept crying, and Kevin kept thinking, dizzily, ‘Dad’s dead. It’s true. Dad’s dead. Someone killed Dad.’

When Sean stopped long enough to ask, “Kevin, was Uncle Huey telling the truth?” Kevin had to say,

“Yeah, Sean. He was. Dad’s dead.”

---

 
V

“No, Joey, if I miss another class, they’re gonna call Ma, and Ma’s gonna kick my ass.” Kevin slammed his locker door, turning to Joey Ice Cream. “Stop bugging me, will you?”

“Kevin, it’s just one class.” Joey glanced around and seemed satisfied that no one was going to rat on them. “My friend, Howie? He got this really great weed, says it has a high like—like sex.”

“You haven’t had sex,” Kevin pointed out reasonably, which only made Joey pause for a second.

“Yeah, but Howie has, so he’d know, and anyway, if it’s at least as good as jerking off, it’s got to be great, you know? What do you say?”

“I say why can’t this wait until after school?”

Joey stared at him. “And you go home to your ma high? I go home to my grandma? I don’t know about you, Kevin, but I’d end up skinned. Dead. She’d kill me in cold blood if she smelled pot on me.”

“Your grandma knows what pot smells like?” Kevin asked, momentarily sidetracked, and then he shook his head. “No, Joey. I told you, no.”

Joey sighed. “Okay, I didn’t want to play this card, but—” He held up his hand. “But Howie said he’ll give you more pot for every hand of poker you win.”

Kevin stared at him for a minute before muttering, “Dammit, Joey,” and turning to open his locker again, throwing his textbook back inside. “Where’s this Howie live?”

Joey grinned, and Kevin could just see him thinking, ‘Score.’ “Let’s get out of here first. Then we can go meet up with him. He’ll give us a ride to his place. We just have to make it to a payphone.”

Ten minutes later saw them sitting in the principal’s office and Kevin plotting ways to murder Joey and not get caught. He never should have let Joey try to sneak them out. Anything Joey ever planned got them caught because Joey was a complete idiot. Mrs. Markus was calling Joey’s grandmother then, Kevin was glaring at Joey, and Joey was staring at the desk and probably thinking about how many people were going to try to kill him. Kevin had to wonder if he was first on Joey’s list, or if his grandma was. If Joey was smart, Kevin’s ma would be at the top.

Judging by the shouting they could hear through the phone right after Mrs. Markus said, “Joseph was caught trying to sneak out of the school,” his grandma was first on his list.

“She’ll be here soon,” Mrs. Markus said after she hung up, and then flipped open Kevin’s file. He sent up a vain hope that his ma wouldn’t be home. Mostly, it was vain because Sean was home sick, so of course she’d answer the phone. “Mrs. Donnelly,” Mrs. Markus said after a moment, and Kevin glared ten times harder at Joey, “Kevin was caught attempting to sneak out of school.”

He could not hear his mother’s answer. That meant she was being quiet, and that meant she was especially pissed.

If he didn’t end up dead, he was definitely killing Joey.

After Mrs. Markus hung up with Ma, she said to them, “You know that one more day of non-suspension absence means truancy, don’t you? That goes for both of you. Truancy can get your parents, or guardian,” she added to Joey, “in legal trouble. Do you really want that?”

Kevin’s eyes widened. “No, Mrs. Markus.” He really didn’t. He might hate school, but he didn’t want his ma in any kind of trouble, and not just because she really would kill him then.

Or because Jimmy would.

Or Tommy.

Mostly because he really liked his ma not being in any kind of legal trouble, and it would really suck if she was because of him.

“And,” Mrs. Markus added, “you’ll have a much harder time getting a job if you have a poor attendance record from school.”

Okay, that one was, for Kevin at least, bullshit. Huey would get him a union job no matter what, even if he flunked out. Of course, if he flunked out, he wouldn’t have to worry about a job. His ma would dig him up after his funeral from the first time she killed him just so there would be a second one.

His ma got there, Seanie in tow, and his little brother looked like shit, all tired and feverish. Kevin felt bad for making him get dragged out of the apartment, right up until his ma hit him in the back of the head, and then he started feeling bad for himself instead. “What’s the matter with you, Kevin?”

“If he misses another day without a note,” Mrs. Markus spoke up, “he’s going to be considered truant.”

“You hear that?” Ma demanded. “You want to be that much of a screwup?”

“No, Ma!”

“He’s suspended the rest of today and tomorrow.”

“And grounded the rest of the year,” Ma informed him.

That one wasn’t much of a surprise. Kevin sighed and stood up. “I guess I’m doing homework all day?” he asked.

“After you’re done cleaning my apartment, you are,” she agreed.

Kevin glared even harder at the back of Joey’s head. Joey turned enough to catch the glare and shrugged at him, like this wasn’t his fault, and Kevin considered flipping him off. Mrs. Markus would see him, though, so not such a good idea.

The next time Joey even started to ask, “You want to cut out, because—”

He interrupted right there with, “Fuck off, Joey.” Kevin hoisted his textbook and the notebook he’d spend history doodling in higher. “No. No cutting. If I cut, I really will be grounded until graduation. If you ask again, I’m gonna hit you with this book, maybe knock sense into you.”

“I got plenty of sense. I found a new way to get out that no one watches.”

“No.”

“Fine, your loss.”

Maybe he’d punch Joey.

---

 
VI

If Kevin knew one thing, it was that you did not ask his mother about anything remotely gay. Not fucking remotely. She’d smack you and tell you to stop being stupid, there was no such thing, if she was in a good mood. If she was in a bad mood…

If she was in a bad mood, you really didn’t ask, but you didn’t ask anything when she was in a bad mood, unless you were Sean. Even Sean was careful then, though.

He couldn’t talk to Jimmy about how he kind of thought some guys were hot, like girls but different, because Jimmy would make fun of him for the rest of forever and maybe accidentally tell Ma, or not so accidentally if he got pissed. Tommy might be okay, since Tommy was all into art and shit, but Kevin didn’t think Tommy would really get it. He’d probably try, but he wouldn’t.

He really didn’t have a whole lot of options on this one, especially now that Jack Hankel was flirting with him. He thought, anyway. It was sort of like when he watched Tommy flirt with Jenny, but more…subtle. Probably so he wouldn’t slug Jack if he caught on and didn’t like it, he figured.

It definitely wasn’t anything like when Jimmy flirted with a girl.

His best option was probably Jenny, actually, even if it was awkward as hell to talk to the girl two of his brothers were in love with about how maybe a guy was flirting with him and how maybe he was flirting back because, well, Jack was pretty hot, actually, and they got along, and Kevin wasn’t gay, okay, he just…kind of liked guys the same way he liked girls.

He wasn’t even talking to Jenny yet and he was already babbling like an idiot. Great.

Instead of going right home after school, he walked down to the diner. There weren’t a lot of people, and he didn’t see Jenny’s father anywhere, just Jenny behind the counter. Good.

He dug through his pockets fast and came up with the money for a shake, which he figured would be enough to earn him a place at the end of the counter and the chance to talk to Jenny about this.

“Hey, Kevin!” she called. “You want a burger?”

“Nah, just a shake. Strawberry.” He passed her other customers to get to the seat at the very end of the counter where no one would hear him, and it didn’t surprise him much when Jenny brought him a burger along with his shake.

“You look hungry,” she said in explanation. “There anything else I can get you?”

“Can I…talk to you about something?”

“If it’s fast or if you don’t mind interruptions, you can. What’s up?”

“You can’t tell any of my brothers or my ma,” he started, and Jenny narrowed her eyes at him.

“You get a girl pregnant, Kevin?”

“No!” he exclaimed. “No. Not that. God, Jenny.”

“Then I promise not to tell anyone.”

“I kind of…” He took a breath and a suck of his shake before he went on. “I kind of think I like guys?”

Jenny lowered her voice to almost a whisper. “You’re telling me you’re gay?”

“No. No, I guess bi? That’s the word, right?” God, he was so stupid about this.

“Yeah.” She leaned her hip against the counter. “That’s the word, bi.”

“Okay.” He nodded. “Anyway, how do you tell if a guy’s flirting with you?”

“Same way as if a girl flirts with you.” She glanced at her other customers when a guy lifted a hand.

“Get me a refill, Jenny?”

“Be right down,” she called back, and patted Kevin’s hand. “Be right back.”

When she came back, he asked, “Think it’s possible to date a guy without anyone knowing?”

“As long as he knows, then yeah.”

“Okay.” Kevin nodded. “Okay. Thanks, Jenny.”

“You’re welcome. Don’t worry about paying for this, as long as you don’t tell my dad.”

He grinned at her, and she left him alone after that while he thought and ate.

The next day, he asked Jack, “Hey, you want to go to a movie or something this weekend?”

It took Jack a minute, but then he grinned in a way that made Kevin feel like he’d been hit in the gut. “Sure. Saturday?”

Kevin grinned. “Saturday’s good.”

He had to blow off Joey and his brothers and tell his ma he was hanging out with some friends (only partly a lie), but he got to meet Jack at a theater. They paid for their tickets separately, but Jack bought popcorn and said he’d split it with Kevin, and that was when it really started feeling like a date.

He didn’t think he could try the yawn-and-arm-around-shoulders thing, but he did put his hand on Jack’s leg, and Jack didn’t hit him or jerk away or anything, so yeah. They were on the same page. Especially once Jack also put his hand on Kevin’s leg, even higher up.

After the movie, when they were just walking and talking about it, Kevin took a bigger chance. He kept an eye out, spotted an alley, jerked his head and stepped in, and Jack followed. So he tried it, leaned in to kiss Jack in an alley that didn’t smell too terrible, and felt Jack’s light stubble scratching his face, Jack’s chapped lips against his, Jack’s flat body suddenly pressed against his, and it felt just as good as kissing a girl. Completely different in a whole lot of ways, but the same in how good it made Kevin feel, the sparks it shot down his spine, how it made him want.

“So,” Jack said, grinning at him in that stomach-twisting way after they stopped kissing, “you want to go out again sometime?”

Kevin didn’t even have to think before he answered. “Yeah, definitely.” He grinned back, and then he kissed Jack again.

Later, he figured out he might have a boyfriend.

---

 
VII

He could not call Ma. She not only wouldn’t pay bail, she’d skin him alive and put his head on a pike or whatever as a warning to his brothers to not get arrested. Not that Tommy needed it, and not that Jimmy would pay attention, so mostly as a warning to Sean.

He hit his head gently on the bars. Tommy didn’t have the money. He could probably scrounge it up, talk someone into giving it to him or helping out, but not by himself. But Jimmy…

Jimmy would get it. He got in fights all the time, and for worse reasons than someone making comments about Ma. Jimmy got in fights just because someone said something about him being bad at cards, which was a lie. Jimmy didn’t even cheat, and he won most games.

Hell, Jimmy probably had the money, if he hadn’t drunk it all away or gotten high with it.

“Hey!” he called. “Hey, Officer, I wanna make my call!”

“It’s about time,” the officer said when he got close.

“It took awhile to figure out who to talk to, you know?” He grinned. “I mean, my ma’d kill me—not really, that’s figurative—so that kind of limited my options.”

“Yeah, everyone says that. Down here, kid.” The officer pointed him toward the phone. “One call.”

“I know.” Jimmy just better answer. The Firecracker was his best bet. As far as he knew, Jimmy didn’t currently have a cell phone.

“Firecracker.” Jimmy sounded tired, but not drunk or high, which Kevin counted in his favor.

“Hey, Jimmy!”

“Kevin, what’s all that noise behind you?”

“About that…” Kevin hesitated. Jimmy might kick his ass, but who was another option, Joey? Joey would try to steal the money alone and end up sharing the cell. “I’m in jail, Jimmy.”

Jimmy swore, pretty creatively, before he asked, “The hell did you do, Kevin?”

“Supposedly, I got in a fight. I got arrested for assault or battery or both, I don’t remember.”

“What’s your bail? Where are you?”

Kevin told him.

“I have that here. I’ll be down soon. Should kick your ass,” Jimmy added. “If you skip court, I will, you know that?”

“Come on, I’m not stupid, Jimmy.”

“Kevin. I’m bailing you out for assault and battery. You’re stupid.” Jimmy hung up before he could answer.

Kevin just cursed at the phone before slamming it down and calling to the officer, “Done here.”

“Getting bailed out?” he asked, sounding uninterested, as he walked Kevin back to the cell.

“If my brother shows up, I am.”

It took about two more hours before the new officer was calling, “Kevin Donnelly.”

“That’s me,” Kevin called back, getting up from the bench.

“You got bailed.” The officer opened the door. “Go with the officer by the stairs.”

Kevin grinned. He owed Jimmy for this, but at least he was out.

As they walked out into fresh air, Kevin said, “God, it smells good.”

“It smells like the city, Kevin.”

“Jimmy, I think the guy I was sitting next to down there shit his pants. Even the city smells better. I was thinking.”

Jimmy snorted. “You can think now?”

“Shut up. If we talk to Huey, he might be able to help me out with this one.”

“Depends on why you got in the fight, you know that.”

Kevin glanced at his brother. “Guy was badmouthing Ma.”

Jimmy’s face darkened. “Huey’ll help.”

Kevin went to Huey the next day, saying, “I have a problem, Huey.”

“I heard you got arrested. Bad news, Kevin.” Huey gave him a disapproving look Kevin hadn’t gotten from a man since before his father died. “Your mother hear about that?”

He swallowed. “I was kind of hoping she wouldn’t have to. That’s the problem I wanted to talk to you about.”

Huey sighed. “Why’d you get arrested?”

“Assault and battery. But I had a good reason,” he added quickly at Huey’s expression.

“I hope so. You could get time for that one. What’s your good reason?”

“They were saying shit about Ma, Huey. My ma’s a good woman. She’s none of the things these guys said about her, so I got in a fight with the one saying the worst after we left the diner.” He shrugged. “Jenny Reilly heard them, if you want to ask her about it.”

“There’s no need for that. You’re a lot of things, Kevin, but I’ve never known you to be a liar. Now Jimmy…” Huey shook his head. “I’ll handle things for you. You’re right about your mother. She is a good woman.”

He smiled. “Thanks, Huey.”

“I always told Bobby I’d look out for his boys if anything happened to him. This is part of it. I’d want someone to do it for my son.”

“Uh, will Jimmy get the bail money back?” Kevin ventured. “He was kinda pissed about that.”

Huey snorted. “He’ll get it back. Don’t worry about that. The charges will be dropped in a couple of days, I promise.”

Jimmy came home a couple of days later, practically whistling, he was in such a good mood. “Kevin!” he said, and it was a good thing Ma wasn’t home because the next words out of Jimmy’s mouth were, “I don’t know what Huey did, but I got your bail back today, every penny.”

“Why’d Kevin need bail?” Sean asked from the kitchen table.

“You tell Ma, Sean,” Kevin warned.

“Got arrested for assault. Sounds like Huey got rid of it, though.”

Sean grinned, leaning back in his chair. “So if I tell Ma, you’ll assault me for telling her you got arrested for assault?”

Jimmy laughed and threw open the cabinet, rummaging for something. Kevin glared at his little brother. “I should’ve smothered you,” he muttered.

“Nah, you liked him before Tommy and me,” Jimmy said over his shoulder.

“You both suck,” Kevin declared.

“I bailed you out,” Jimmy reminded him. “Some gratitude you have there.”

Kevin shrugged. “So Sean sucks and you don’t.”

---

 
VIII

He had no idea what the hell he’d done, exactly, to get her this pissed off, but it had to be something. Ma kept snapping at him, starting with a sharp, “Kevin, get in here and scrub the potatoes.” So he got in and scrubbed the potatoes. He would have even if she hadn’t been sharp, but it was best to just do what she said when she got like this, or she’d ban him from dinner and he’d have to make a cheese sandwich or something.

Apparently he didn’t scrub the potatoes well enough, because ten minutes later, it was, “Kevin, you’re in the way, get out of my kitchen.” So he slunk into the living room to watch whatever it was Sean had on. Something stupid, but complaining about anything a brother who wasn’t in the doghouse did would just get him further in.

When she had dinner cooking and came out to the living room, it took five minutes before he got told, “Kevin, go to your room, I’m tired of looking at you.” Which meant finding a book in the bedroom besides Tommy’s textbooks, since she really sounded like she meant that. All he’d done for the last hour was what she said, so he didn’t know why she kept getting more pissed.

At least he got an hour and a little before she called, “Kevin, come set the table.”

Okay, that last one wasn’t snapping, but he still didn’t like hearing it. Mostly because it was Jimmy’s turn; he’d set the table and done the dishes the night before.

“Where’s Jimmy?” he dared to ask when he got the plates from the cabinet, and she gave him a sharp glare for his trouble. Definitely should have kept his mouth shut.

“Jimmy’s at that bar of his. You’re taking up space in my house.”

He bit his tongue before he could point out it was an apartment, not a house—he didn’t have a death wish—and left the kitchen so he could actually set the table and stay away from her. She could towel-whip better than any of her sons, and they all knew from experiences of getting in her way.

Jimmy must’ve really been at the Firecracker, because Ma had made pot roast that smelled amazing and he was missing it, which was stupid with the rest of the brothers’ appetites. There was a reason they were all usually home for pot roast: any three of them plus their ma could demolish one and leave none for the fourth. This time, they just might actually do it.

When she served up the meat, Kevin wound up with the smallest share between his brothers and himself, which he seriously considered arguing. If he did, though, she might keep his plate. When Sean and Tommy got seconds automatically, but Ma ignored his plate altogether, he finally asked.

“Ma, did I do something to make you mad?”

Tommy and Sean both looked like they wanted to laugh. Kevin kind of wanted to hit them both. Instead, he looked at their mother because he really had no idea what it was.

“You look at a calendar today, Kevin?” she asked, and dammit, her lips were thin, that was never a good sign.

“I—we don’t have a calendar in our room, Ma.”

“Don’t be stupid, there’s one in the kitchen.”

Since it looked like he wasn’t getting any more dinner, Kevin got up to look at the one in the kitchen. His swearing had to be heard by his brothers, since they actually started laughing. They couldn’t even have reminded him, the bastards, even though they obviously knew.

“Ma, I’m sorry,” he said when he got back out. “I—just a second.” He nearly ran to the room he shared with his brothers and dug through his dresser drawer to find it. He didn’t do the best wrapping job, that was Tommy with his art thing, but he tried, and he also had a card for her. Besides, he thought she’d like it. Jenny said she would, anyway, and Jenny would know best.

He brought the present and the card back out to the table and set them by his mother’s plate, kissing her cheek. “Happy birthday, Ma.”

“So you didn’t forget, then.”

“I just forgot the calendar, that’s all.” He sat back down and grabbed a piece of bread to at least soak up the rest of the juices from the meat left on his plate. When she opened the card, he watched her read it surreptitiously and caught her smile, and when she opened the present, he felt okay about watching outright. She smiled openly this time, so Jenny had been right about the shawl. He wasn’t sure because it seemed old-fashioned, but when he showed Jenny which he meant—and he was sure at least Tommy and Sean had also checked with her about their presents—her opinion was firm: the silvery shawl with its kind of shimmering look would be perfect, and judging by Ma’s look, Jenny was right.

“Thank you, Kevin.” She hung it over the back of her chair and held out her hand. “Give me your plate.”

He wasn’t going to question her and passed it over.

Turned out that his present not only earned him the biggest second serving of the roast and the most vegetables, but Sean got ordered to take care of clearing up the table.

He should’ve given it to her sooner.

Of course, an hour later, Jimmy upstaged them all by bringing home a bakery cake with ‘Happy Birthday, Ma’ written on it and a pack of candles in his pocket, which meant Jimmy got the biggest chunk of the cake, but for an hour, Kevin won at their mother’s birthday for once.

He’d have to get the cake the next year and ask Jenny about her present. See if any of his brothers could do better then.

He got the second-biggest piece of cake anyway.

---

 
IX

Tommy was pissed. They all were, but Tommy especially. He was pissed at Jimmy too, but he was mostly pissed at Dokey and Huey for bringing it to this, for killing their father and planning to kill Jimmy, and he was still the one to go out to talk to Dokey. That was Tommy all over, taking it on himself to deal with things.

Kevin was back, by the van, beside Jimmy. He had a gun. So did Jimmy. There were more of Dokey’s men, though, and so they couldn’t do anything. They shot decently, but not well enough to kill them all.

Kevin couldn’t hear everything Dokey and Tommy said to each other, but he saw when Tommy turned away and Dokey took the gun from one of his guys. His hand tightened on the grip of his, and Dokey said, “Hey, Tommy,” and Tommy turned. Kevin barely started to raise his gun, because if he killed Tommy, Kevin was pretty sure he and Jimmy were both going down shooting. Sean would get Ma and Joanie and Jenny and even goddamn Joey Ice Cream away, but if Dokey killed Tommy…

And then Dokey said, “I want you to watch this,” and changed his aim, face calm and blank like he was shooting cans or something like that. He shot through the back of the van, and for just a second, Kevin didn’t know who he hit. He was half-sure it had to be Jenny if Dokey wanted to get to Tommy, but it wasn’t.

It wasn’t, because half a second later, Tommy half-gasped, half-shouted, “Ma!” and they were all running for the van.

All that was running through Kevin’s head was, ‘Ma. He shot Ma. His brother killed Dad, and now he shot Ma,’ so it was all instinct when he raised his gun at the same time as going for the door, again as he pulled it open. Later, he’d think how lucky he was to not shoot Tommy, but then, he just wanted Dokey dead, as many of Dokey’s men as he could hit dead too.

He only had time for three shots before they were in the van, doors slamming even while Sean pulled away, Tommy shouting at Sean to go, and Jimmy, that hard, flat look on his face as he leaned out the window to shoot at Dokey. Tommy had his hands pressed to Ma’s chest, holding back the blood, and she wasn’t moving when Kevin looked back for just a second as Joey dove over the back seat to start shooting. Kevin slammed out another window with the butt of his pistol and started shooting, and fuck the fact they were being shot at still; it didn’t fucking matter if he got shot, or if Jimmy did, because Dokey shot Ma. The Farrells already killed Dad. Tommy took care of the one responsible for that, even if he didn’t know it then, but Tommy couldn’t shoot Dokey while he had his hands holding Ma’s blood back, so that was on Kevin and Jimmy and Joey. Joanie and Jenny were down on the floor, too low for the bullets, and Jenny kept shouting back at Tommy, but Kevin couldn’t hear her, not over the shots and the blood pounding in his ears, even though she was right by his feet.

He saw one bullet go true. One of his, he was almost sure, because it hit in Dokey’s shoulder or chest or a little lower, but on his left side, where it almost certainly was Kevin’s shot, and then Sean slammed through the fronts of two parked SUVs and past more men with more guns and whipped the van around the corner and they were out of range.

Joanie, to Kevin’s surprise, was the one to crawl around the seat and push Tommy away even though she’d been screaming seconds before when the shooting was still happening, start giving orders through her tears, orders that Tommy and Jenny followed. Tommy whipped off his shirt and Joanie used it to start staunching the blood. Jenny helped lift Ma and Joey gave them his shirt once he’d pulled off his jacket to get it, and she pressed that to Ma’s back, and all Kevin could think, the whole time, was, ‘Got him. One of us got him.’

He must have said it aloud. Jimmy twisted around and demanded, “Say that again, Kevin. Say it.”

“One of us shot him. Dokey,” he nearly shouted. The bullets still rang in his ears, and irrationally he thought that they should have gotten silencers. “I saw him go down.”

“Yeah, me too,” Joey said from the back. It sounded muffled to Kevin, even though his hearing had to be coming back because he heard it perfectly when Jenny said,

“That’s great, but we have to get to a hospital.”

“She’s bad. She’s real bad,” Joanie muttered.

“Joanie!” Jimmy shouted. “What’s that mean, Joanie?! Is she gonna be okay?”

“I don’t fucking know, Jimmy!” Joanie shouted back, and that seemed to calm her down somehow. Kevin leaned back over the back, and tears were still streaming down her face and she still had snot she hadn’t wiped away, but she went back to telling them what to do, pressing her fingers to Ma’s pulse.

“Sean, get us to the goddamn hospital,” Tommy shouted.

“I’m trying, Tommy! I’m getting us there!” Sean somehow sounded calmest out of all of them. The baby, and he had it together best of them all.

All Kevin could think, as he leaned back and stared at his mother, blood coming from her mouth, was, ‘There’s so much. How much does she have left? There’s so much.’ The carpet, grey before, looked black from what he could see, and that black was under Ma’s back, under Tommy and Jenny and Joanie’s knees. It didn’t make it to Joey, who sat off to the side, muttering what sounded like a prayer.

There was just so fucking much black.

---

 
X

They settled in Newark, reasoning it couldn’t possibly be more dangerous than their neighborhood in New York wound up being. To save money, they all shared an apartment, one where Kevin shared a room with Tommy, Sean, and Joey. Kevin got a job working construction, like their dad had, same as Joey; Tommy got a scholarship to a community college; Sean got sent back to working toward his GED. Jimmy and Joanie did whatever work they could scrounge, and Jenny went back to waitressing and working as a short-order cook.

With Tommy’s classes, a lot at night, and Sean actually studying and Jimmy and Joanie being out half the time, Joey sometimes going out to get drunk or try to pick up girls—Kevin didn’t think that really worked very often, since Joey came home most nights—Kevin spent most nights at home, watching TV and throwing things at Sean whenever he left his books. When Jenny didn’t work nights, she joined him on the couch, making fun of bad network shows.

She still wasn’t dating Tommy—Kevin guessed they had too many problems, too much history—so it shouldn’t have been so much of a surprise when she started getting closer to him, leaning into his side, or when he wrapped his arm around her. That time, when Sean came out, Jenny threw one of the couch pillows at him.

“Whoa,” Sean said, and Jenny said,

“Shut your mouth and go back to studying or I’ll kick your butt, got it, Seanie?”

Sean held up his hands. “Just getting a snack, then studying. Test is soon.”

“Good.”

And that meant it really shouldn’t have been a surprise when, a few shared nights later, Jenny Reilly kissed Kevin Donnelly full on the mouth, pressing her tongue against his lips. Or when he kissed her back. After they broke apart, he asked, “What about Tommy?”

“I don’t have an obligation to Tommy. We’ve never really been together.” Then she kissed him again, and Kevin decided thinking about his brother was not going to happen, he was just going to kiss Jenny more.

That didn’t make it less surprising when Jenny pulled him up by his hand and took him into her room, or when she took off her shirt. She was pretty without it, her bra plain white, tits high and looking like they’d just be handfuls, so Kevin took the chance of sliding his hand up her stomach and onto her chest to find that out. She slipped one hand down the front of his jeans, the other under his shirt, and it made him glad he always showered the sweat off after work.

After that…after that, she started getting him to go out to bars with her on her nights off, or he’d take her to dinner at a diner, somewhere affordable but with decent food. Tommy knew, he had to; Jenny wasn’t that subtle, and Kevin was spending some nights in her room, but he kept his mouth shut. Jenny didn’t say anything, but Kevin got the idea that Tommy’d said something to her, since she glared at him when he gave Kevin resentful looks, and she always purposely moved closer to Kevin.

The most Tommy wound up saying, after Kevin and Jenny had been dating for months—or he assumed they’d been dating, anyway, because Jenny introduced him to her friends as, “My boyfriend, Kevin,” and he’d grinned the first time she said it until he got a gentle elbow to the gut—was, “Kevin, you don’t take care of her, I’ll kill you.”

“Jenny can take care of herself, Tommy.” He caught his brother’s gaze and held it. “But I will.”

Tommy nodded. “You love her, Kevin?”

“Yeah,” Kevin said after a minute. “I do.”

“I loved her, you know.”

“You loved her like a kid loves a girl he has a crush on.” Kevin stripped off his t-shirt, tossing it toward the hamper. Laundry had to be done soon. Maybe he’d make Sean do it, the freeloader, since he was just waiting to register for classes at the same community college as Tommy. “I love her like the woman she is, not the kid she was.”

Tommy sort of looked like he was going to hit him for that. Instead, he left their room.

Kevin didn’t tell Jenny about it. He didn’t figure she needed to know. Not a week later, she asked him, “Do you want to move into my room?” while they were walking late at night.

“Don’t you think that’s kind of awkward? I mean, we live with my brothers still.” He laughed at the look she gave him.

“You sleep in my room more nights than yours.”

He kissed her. “Of course I do, but your dirty laundry’s gonna smell like my gross work clothes.”

“If that’s the worst part of sharing a room with you, Kevin, I think I can take it.” She grabbed his hand, and for the life of him, Kevin couldn’t stop grinning like an idiot.

Jenny made room in her dresser, a secondhand thing she’d paid for as opposed to the ones Kevin and his brothers had grabbed off sidewalks and fixed to be usable. She also pushed aside things in her closet for the couple things he had to hang up, his winter coat, a jacket, a sports coat, his one button-down shirt. The first night, it was weird; after sex, he said to her, “This is the first time I’m living with my girlfriend.”

“We’ve been living together for months.” She trailed her fingers down his chest so lightly he shivered.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know what you meant.” She kissed his cheek and bit his earlobe. “I’m glad it’s me.”

Kevin ran a hand down her back. “So am I.”

“I’m jealous,” Kevin overheard Joanie tell Jenny one morning while they ate breakfast.

“Why?” Jenny asked.

“Because Kevin…he loves you so much. I want to have that.”

He grinned all day.

---

 
Coda

“How’d you get that so fast?” Kevin demanded from Jackie.

Jackie just grinned and shuffled the deck again. “Five or seven?”

Kevin rolled his eyes. “You’re cheating me somehow, aren’t you?”

“Five or seven?” Jackie repeated, and shuffled again, more neatly than Kevin could for ages when he learned.

“Five. Tell me how you learned, Jack.”

Jackie dealt the cards and studied them. “I bet blue.” Kevin wouldn’t put even pennies on it yet, so it was just the chips, and Jackie tossed one in the center of the coffee table.

Kevin glared and grabbed up his hand. “Yeah, okay. Raise to two blue.”

“Call,” Jackie decided, and then, “Two for me. How many for you?”

“Just one. Seriously, Jackie, who—”

Jenny came into the living room from the bedroom, Helen on her hip. “Jackie, are you cheating your dad?”

Jackie twisted to give her mother a toothy grin. “It’s not cheating if I’m better than he is.”

“You,” Kevin informed her, a grin pulling at his own mouth, “are a brat. How do you know you’re better?”

Jackie looked at him, wide-eyed, and Kevin didn’t buy it for a second because Sean had been using it his whole life. “Mommy taught me.”

Jenny laughed and set Helen down. Helen immediately toddled over to her sister. “Tattletale,” Jenny said to Jackie.

“She says I’m lucky,” Jackie continued.

“Yeah,” Kevin said after a minute, grinning at her, and reached over the table to tousle her blonde hair. “My lucky charm.”